Disappointment, good or bad?

You've sat an exam, finished a project, had an interview or finished a running race. It didn't go as you had hoped. You're left feeling disappointed. How do you interpret this?

What is Disappointment?

Disappointment. We have all experienced this unpleasant emotional reposes to a situation, performance or outcome. It is often self-inflicted. We know what we are capable of and anything short of this can lead to disappointment. Ambitious goals and a desire to achieve perhaps create the foundations of this, but hard work, dedication and commitment are the main contributors towards your emotional response to the outcome. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Why do we feel so dissatisfied with an outcome that is less than anticipated? How should we respond to disappointment? We are often told 'not to worry', or 'next time you'll do better', or 'theres nothing you can do about this now' and even 'try to forget about it'. Is this good advice? Should we try to forget? Should we move on?

Why the discussion?

This question stems from personal experiences that I am confident are relatable. I often feel disappointed with my performances and outcomes. I do put pressure on myself, I do thrive to achieve, I do set ambitious goals and I do have high expectations of myself, but my goals are not out of reach. I prepare myself well, put in the time and effort, reach a standard I accept but yet my performance on the day falls short. This may be expected giving the added pressure of 'the event', be it the day of the race, interview or exam, but the feeling of disappointment often feels greater than the reduction in performance. What do you do next?

How do you respond to disappointment?

The immediate response is usually that of low mood, loss of motivation and a feeling of frustration. We worked so hard towards a specific outcome that was well within our grasp, but we came up short. We may have spent months or years preparing for this and committed time, effort and (often) money. It therefore makes sense that we may feel this way. But is this the right way? Is there a way of turning this around? Is there a way of changing our emotional response? Can we feel less disappointed or even flip our emotions 180 degrees and feel happy, thankful or appreciative? If so, would this be beneficial? Whilst I am not sure I can answer these questions, I am convinced that we can take an approach to disappointment to identify the driving force behind it and use this to our advantage.

What causes disappointment?

Disappointment stems from from goals and dreams, ambition and hard work, expectation and dedication and a desire to achieve. However, disappointment is felt because of a discrepancy between the above (what you put in) and the end result (what you got out). The end result doesn't portray the journey you have taken and you didn't meet the expectations you set yourself. Understanding this, disappointment is more of a reflection of what you did achieve rather than what you did not. You are disappointed because your hard work, dedication, commitment and sacrifice is not accurately reflected in your performance or outcome. Without the expectations that accumulated from the hard work put in, there will be less for the outcome to be compared against and therefore less disappointment.

Focus on the journey, not the outcome.

Dedicating time and effort towards achieving a goal creates an understanding of what you are capable of. You see the progress unfold before you and you gain a sense of accomplishment in what you have achieved. You can look back to the start and see how far you have come. This growth and development is reflected in you expectations and it is these expectations that the outcome will be compared against. Everything up-to this point has been the journey, and this should be the point where you should focus your reflections. The end of the journey most accurately demonstrates what you are capable of. Not the outcome itself. The outcome is a snap shot of the journey you have taken. Sometimes it is an accurate snap shot, but often it is not.

End note

Disappointment is a response to an outcome rather than to a journey. Be proud of the journey you have taken and know that the result obtained may not be an accurate representation of what you have achieved.